i was born a porn star she said
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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