what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
