you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
a search helicopter?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
