if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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