just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
