Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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