Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
