totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
