3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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