mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
