i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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