Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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