He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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