I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
