I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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