On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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