I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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