I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
