someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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