I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
