thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
