i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
