Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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