The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
