woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My pussy is not your playground.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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