one word: firstdatebathroomanal
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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