I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
