and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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