White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
