I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
