just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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