I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
