She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
