I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
