Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
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