His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
