im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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