sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
