I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
