I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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