I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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