Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
