my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
