I want to stick my p in your. b.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
