you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
