After last night, I could never be a politician.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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