i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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