Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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