i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
