Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
