people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
