he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
