They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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