Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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