The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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