U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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