your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
