he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
