if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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