p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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