Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
