So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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